Life.
Lately, its lack-of all I can think about. Lately, nothing seems to really satisfy.
I keep looking for answers, but I have not even ask the question. I just hope something justifies how I feel, and I do not even know what it is.
I am finding me, again.
I am finding, the jerome that gave his heart wholly, to His hands. I am finding the faith I used to have, and make it relelvant to me now.
August has been trying, but again I am thankful.
I saw bliss and break-ups. I saw cheers, and disagreements. I saw life, and death. I feel joy and pain. You know, at every spectrum I saw the whole range of it.
I’ve been trying to make sense of my life you know, explain it. I guess, its yet again, a way of trying to control my life, to justify and explain things, and make sure I understand because I fear the unknown and I don’t trust Him. You know I keep saying I make progress, the truth is I would keep doing so. i would never be good at it, i can only acknowledge my brokeness. Realisation and being honest to myself is what I need to keep, to have a humble posture in life.
I wanna find the good in jerome over the years, because lately, I see no value in myself anymore. When the calvins all talked about how we cannot inspire kids anymore, I think we just feel washed out, an in a bad way.
But I think about my washed out shirt, i love wearing them because they are comfortable and memorable, I just have to look at them in a different light.
Xianwee talked about the 3 movies. Yeah i loved them. I loved them tremendously. Step up 3 made me think: what was the joy i found in having when I was young? the things that I couldn’t stop doing no matter what.
I was reading Blackest night, and it beings with Hal Jordan (the greatest green lantern of all) visiting Batman’s unmarked grave. He is then joined by Barry Allen, who is the greatest Flash of all. Both of them had something in common: they died and fund a way back. They talked about their funeral, and Hal explained how different it was. Barry was honored, while Hal’s grave was desecrated by his old allies because he went insane. Hal said in much dismal how different it was being a superhero then and now, and how many people died for the cause. He continued saying that superheroes used to be untouchable, and began to question why. As I grow up, I find myself saying: Why did maturity brought me so much disappointment? I used to be so carefree.
The next time Barry and Hal met: They were at a morgue in Justice league HQ. Barry sees so much fallen allies and even rogues there. He finally Realises that when Hal said many have fallen, it was worse then he thought.While browsing the morgue, Barry turns to Hal and asks: So who else?
Hal stood there in silence. Barry then gives a stren grim look at Hal and demanded: Who else died while I was gone? I want to know, Hal.
Hal looks down, in a lot of agony, and said: Okay.
Barry sees all his fallen comrades in his absense.
He then projected with his ring all the heroes that has fallen, during th time when Barry was still dead (he died a really long time ago).
She out of my league showed me something that I always struggled with, I am not good enough for myself. I see how I tend to think of that a lot. When the boy had true confidence in himself, he tried so hard to get back the girl of his dreams. How he did it, was hilarious, go watch it.
Hal and Barry then confronted their past, in the form of the dead bodies of their old friends, who taunted and insulted them. This month, I saw that. How my inconfidence, my regrets, got the better of me and as I thought about my past while I took time to journey through my past and doing all the things I use to do, Walking my primary and secondary school, the places I use to hang, pictures, serving in sunbeam nursery, bt timah hill, artefacts and friends, I only feel 
.
Still looking good aft the climb... not! TOUCH UP TOUCH UP!
(Sorry my dear readers, if the post too long, you can come back here to read tomorrow or the following day)
Grown ups. Man I love that movie. Reminds me of my friends and how how we never wanna grow up. reminds me of how my friends and I want to live together next time and do all the crazy stuff. All walk different lives, but remembering a great man, their coach once said: when the final buzzer went off (buzzer nose: EHHHHHHHHHHHHH), make sure you have not live with regret you know the carpe diem thing?
Well, Hal and Barry in the last part of the story saved the day, like they always do but not because of their powers, but the spirit they approach the problem.
They knew what life meant to them, and they (literally) fought death and won (it’s a comic book, its exagerated, c’mon). I dunno what the hell that means to me, but I know I’m not going to give up. I know for me to read balckest night I retrace the story right from the begiining, reading all the previous stry lines to finally read this book, so I thought maybe I should do that so that I’ll appreciate my life too.
Maybe as usual, I have not notice the important things that i should just like how we all use carpe diem, but carpe diem belonged to the longer phrase Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero – “Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future”. See what reading out of context removes the original intent sometimes?
Can you spot me?
USHER ICs ... PLUS SARAH
4E4 ART STUDENTS!
HAHA Seraphina and DESTINY CAMP
Damn, i was really skinny.
Well, Im not done with my walkabout. I am still looking in my past. I am anticipating to read all my past entries for this year, but for now, my journey is incomplete. Haha.
August. It taught me how to let go even in areas so incredibly unnoticable, how retracing my steps would help me find the joy I have for my wonderful daddy God, how to notice the important things, yet again. I think its in reptition for a reason.
For now, I know I really wanna show and tell Jesus to the next generation. And to my loved ones. But I think I have to put some things to rest, and find what I can give, before I can do it.
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