Have been doing a lot of thinking lately, about things like my habits that I don’t notice usually, my mannerisms and my perspective, my priorities so on.
(suddenly I get the feeling that I am going to be repetitive, but repetitive is good, cos I learn better, by revising what I already learn and it constantly stays fresh. Haha this is an assurance to myself.)
I have been thinking how much more I need to grow as I wanna take on a new responsibility, or coping with my responsibilities. Haha, you know when I was a kid, I always, always thought I can do things like how I did forever, because I do not want to take the fun out of some things. Boy I was wrong, no wonder they always say “he/she’s just a kid, they wouldn’t understand” because REALLY, we only see things prima facie, but in actual fact, Woah got so many things to consider man, really I feel like I’m gowing up fast suddenly. It’s not that I do not like it, I love freedom, I love independence, I love growing up to be a man and everything that comes with it, I mean its not that I am masochistic that I like bad things happening to me, I just accept that it comes together, its a package. Like in KFC (which I am at right now) you order 2 pc chicken meal, it comes with coleslaw and mashed potato, the most you change to cheese fries or regular fries, but it still come one. cannot do anything about it. So yep.
Anw, it completes the meal, so make the best out of undesired situations! (repetitive again huh, man I AM growing old and naggy) I think about how confined my thoughts are, how I like to stay afe in my comfort zone, how lazy I am and how much more I have to do to truly, be at my optimum. I hope as I decide to print this blogpost i am reminded everyday not to waste oppotunities and give the best I can.
Lately I have been thinking ( you know right… haha) that my shortfalls get the better of me, mainly my ego.
I confess lah, I hold a lot of leaders in high regard, I sometimes do feel inferior. Like Lesden, Hellven, Khai and Nat, really think they’re more capable than me. Always wonder you know, but somehow I became the leader.
There must be something in me that did it, but I have nothing really leh. Then I thought about it, it is not me, it definitely not me that did it. It was what I relied on, and what I have inside me. All of it was what God gave me, slowly throught experiences and through my leaders. I am, what I have deduced, nothing. But with God I am something. I feel great. And I also have no reason to boast now, cos it is not by my deed.
How great, that I have a God that helps me make sense of things. I always think I do not do enough for the ones I love too, but I think it’s either I try too hard or I think too much or I’m not doing it right. But as I reflect, I guess I already gave my best. And to my non-christian readers, hey thanks for putting up with this.
I realise being president of SOH club, I havent done enough, next semester will be different. I am gonna really try like uber hard now. I guess I was so distracted by heartaches that I was too sulky to deal with, now that I have gotten over it, time to start doing things again.
Oh and hello xianwee, thanks for coming to church with me. Love the kids huh;) Just wanna be thankful for you.
Oh. I should start counting my blessings too.
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