Hello readers. Hello God.
I am surprise there are people who check up here. Thank you. I guess I have not made much time to think about my life. Nevertheless, I’d want to give thanks as best as I can.
God, I love you. I don’t know why I made choices that hurt you all the time, but I just want to make a conscious effort to remember you in everything that I do. I feel lonely sometimes, and even though you’re not the most effectively source of comfort which I greatly apologise for, but I still need You. Badly. I’m sorry I’m so caught up with everything, I guess I am running away from the hurt that people whom You love do to me. I see no point in showing them love, I honestly think they don’t even know it. I would be as clueless in their position, so why bother? nevertheless I feel that it is important that I honor Your call. People drain me, they give me shit. No one gives a damn. Sure, everyone is busy, I mean so what if you’re so obviously busy in school, I have multiple lives to lead you know. My commitment comes from all kinds of direction. I guess Angeline’s right, I don’t disagree with what she says, I am a goofball who doesn’t do anything. I’m tired of being taken for granted. I can honestly say now that I can’t give a hoot about the recognition, I know what I am doing this for. But being seen like I am suppose to do this what, I think that is the worst feeling ever.
Aside of that, I have my insecurities to deal with, future I have worry about, my all important studies I have to get on with, thank God for loved ones who make me smile. Taken for granted just sucks big time. But I don’t blame them, I think it’s hard to notice. But it hurts.
I’m dealing with my anger too. I guess I need some closure from some people. After all that pain you brought me through, I think I deserve a decent sincere apology. Damn it that is all I ask for, how hard can that be. Months of shit and all I ask is “sorry”, it’s more than being lenient. No, I wouldn’t get it because you wouldn’t even know. Forget it.
I learn to suck it up, and keep walking. Only God can be my comfort, but I’m not that airy-fairy. I have to overcome them too with my effort too. I need my closure.
Through it all, I thank God, that I know I’ll make it. I’ll learn something out of this. That through suffering His grace is shown. How else would I know He is there? I also feel thankful that I bother to be fair, impartial to some extend and have enough maturity to choose not to victimise and rise above it to say that I love them enough to let it slide. But something’s that I have to fix, I guess those are the one I need closure. I’m not being cunning and hide my intentions and cover up to prevent myself. No point. The ones whom I really wanna set things straight will never even realise. So what’s the point? Suck it up, forgive, and move on.
I’m not stupid. I won’t torment myself to bits with all that pain. I still want to be jovial, and optimistic and active. That’s Jerome. It may take a little time to recover but it’s still me. I am just recovering from one of many life’s obstacle,hills whatever. Thank God I am still positive amidst all this.
That’s all folks, yes I am sad. So what? eventually I’ll be great and awesome, not because of who I am, but what He is and what He did. Don’t wear it out.
Leave a Comment
No comments yet.
Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI
